MY SISTER’S UNDYING CRUSH FOR JOHN ABRAHAM
“If it was Abraham Lincoln then I could have been very happy, at least you could have known some portion of American political history but, things are different here. You are totally interested in other Abraham. Father Abraham had many sons, damn, you are not John Abraham’s sister.”
Ayangti Longkumer to Longchanaro Longkumer (Circa: July, 2007)
What does Theory of Non-Refundable says?
According to ‘could not be renowned’ economist Ayangti Longkumer, ‘The Theory of Non-Refundable states that goods once given or sold cannot be returned to the seller or the owner for a specific period of time. The exception with this situation is the rationality of the seller or the owner does not play into account while bargaining. On the other hand, the buyer or the new owner is totally unaware of who gives what and when to him/her, which results in non-accountability from his/her side. Since, such situation does not have a time period and is in constant flux, the Supply Curve, does not reach an equilibrium, which further creates a situation called, ‘Pack-it-up Dilemma’.
What is crush? Crush is not the name of some Oscar winning movie. I am not banging on its literal meaning like compressing or defeating. Crush here means infatuation, over extended admiration or temporary madness.
The Theory developed is, ‘The Theory of Non-Refundable.’ And, the case study is, ‘My sister’s undying madness for John Abraham’.
Without making you rotate further in this argument, let me tell you folks how it all began. 1, 2, 3…flashback,
Pankaj Udhas’ career graph was going down, he had to release albums where he sang and models acted like lovers, real lovers, giving the viewers 10, 00000 butterflies in their stomach. In one of the songs titled, ‘Chori chori chupke chupke’ the guy who was going to be my sister’s ultimate crush featured. Hmm, she did not know his name, but the spark in her eyes outshine the fireflies of Dimapur. Days later, she bought Cine Blitz magazine < I wonder whether that magazine is still in stalls> That is how she got and called out his name ‘John Abraham’. I overheard it as ‘Don Ibrahim’, later she corrected.
One phenomenon I noticed was, she started admiring guys who had dimples, I don’t know what Raman Effect is, but sure I know it was JaAb Effect <love makes you blind, she never noticed his ache pores> Jism was his first movie, songs were awesome, story line was copied-pasted, movie did well, sister happy, how does it matter? Then his flop movie, Paap released, songs were awesome though, Sufi pop rocks!!! His acting skills were still not polished, but she was blind to all these. Along with dimples, my sister had a new addition in her list; she liked guys with neck length hair. Seriously, in that movie he reminded me of Apache worrier trying to seduce a white virgin<during high school days cheap novels were always under my pillow>
John Abraham and Bipasha were declared hot couples by the media, they went into live-in relationship, they were mostly seen in Clinic Plus (or was it Head& Shoulders) shampoo ads. Still! My sister was gaga over Mr. John. Then, Dhoom1 released, I don’t blame my sister, I totally understand, in front of Abhishek Bachchan and Uday Chopra, he looked like a summer hunk. Movie did well. New addition, her eyes fell on guys who had dimples, neck length hair and who rode a bike.
Salaam e Ishq, desi version of Love Actually had nice songs, multi starrer, so starry it looked bazaary. Rumours of Vidhya Balan and John Abraham were doing the rounds. Did it matter to her? Celebrity’s hook-ups and break-ups are less happening than what is going in our neighbour’s house. Dostana had amazing songs; movie was hit but fultu, the irony? One of her side crushes took up photographer as his profession.
Finally, after so many years Bipasha and John broke-up. Madras Café was one of his best movies I have seen till date, thank goodness, my sister did not look for someone who works for Intelligence Agency. Alongside his production and acting, John Abraham was linked to an investment banker, I was the first one to break the news to her, she was totally his PR agent, she said, “Hmm, rumours.”
Months, I mean lots of months later, they secretly got married. They here is ‘John Abraham + Priya Runchal- Longchanaro’. Condolences were sent to her by her friends, well all were in good humour. I thought that her crush-on will extinguish the day he is hooked, booked and cooked but no J. Abraham was still topping her selection list. She wrote about John Abraham in her Facebook’s profile time and again. But, thank goodness, by the power of some federal philosopher, nothing of it is seen anymore. Cheers! However, who knows what big is cooking in her mind.
Why I am worried about my sister’s madness of John Abraham? Well, my sister carries my ‘genius genes’, hence I want her to do the mate selection carefully. I do not want my nieces and nephews to be the product of someone who produces sexist (pronounced as ‘success’) movie like Vicky Donor, or for that matter any man who reminds me of Barbie’s Ken. Yeah, here I am being superficial; actually, I am protective about my siblings and a bit possessive about my friends. Wow, is it an irony? Is ‘The Theory of Non-Refundable’ created by me for me? You must be kidding! Oh, no…